


Dread Pirate Shepard

by TazmainianDevil



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Mass Effect Kink Meme, Space Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazmainianDevil/pseuds/TazmainianDevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Normandy's Captain refused to believe Shepard's story about the Prothean beacon, she stole the Normandy and went rogue. Two years later Commander Alenko's ship is waylaid by pirates. </p><p>Archive of old prompt from the Mass Effect Kink Meme</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dread Pirate Shepard

“Commander! Commander!”

Kaidan Alenko sighed and put down the reports he was working on to touch his comm.

“Yes Higgs, what is it?”

“Sir we’re picking up something … that is to say we’re not picking up anything but there’s a ship I think … something’s out there and I can see it through the windows … and I’m not sure.”

Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Calm down Higgs,” FNG he thought, and almost immediately berated himself. This might be a glorified delivery service of a shakedown run but the men on this ship were good people - If a little excitable. “What is it you’re seeing outside?”

Sir it …uh, it looks like the SSV Normandy.”

The commander was running for the bridge so fast he didn’t even hear the chair he’d been sitting in hit the floor.

 

The Normandy and its captain Commander Shepard were notorious in the Alliance; A story that the brass tried to suppress but was inevitably passed from crew member to crewmember like a bad case of Asari flu. Kaidan had actually served with Shepard on the Normandy’s first cruise to Eden Prime. The infamous commander had saved his life. But when Captain Markov refused to believe her story about a vision from the Prothean beacon, and the Council had ignored her claims of Saren’s defection, Shepard had taken a group of soldiers and a team of aliens loyal to her command and hijacked the prototype warship Normandy. The council had sent the Hanar specter Blasto, after her. The official story was that the specter had gone MIA but scuttlebutt said that whatever the jelly had found had convinced him to join Shepard in exile.

Rumors flew fast and thick on Arcturus Station about the notorious Commander and her exploits. The Normandy had disappeared and reappeared in and out of Council Space, been connected with the infamous terrorist organization Cerberus and reported to have blown them up or built them weapons of mass destruction depending on who was telling the story. The Normandy seemed to turn up out of nowhere to strip merchant vessels or company ships and then vanish without a trace into the lawless Terminus Systems like the legendary Flying Dutchman.

What few people outside the original Alliance crew knew was that the prototype frigate was a stealth ship. The Normandy could be right next to you and you wouldn’t know it unless you looked out with window and saw the graceful sleek shape that confronted Kaidan now.

He supposed that was why they had taken the trouble to paint a Batarian skull and crossbones on the hull.

“Sir, we’re –they’re – she’s um- ”

“Just patch it though Higgs.” Alenko put a comforting hand on the stammering pilot’s shoulder.

“Shiver me timbers!” A sarcastic male voice broke over the comm. “We’re here for your booty and wenches!” There was the sound of faint admonishments in the enemy cockpit before a smooth low voice echoed through the helm.

“Alliance ship Salamis this is Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy. You are hereby ordered to weigh the proverbial anchor and prepare to be boarded.”

Kaidan took a long slow breath before nodding to Higgs, who patched them back through to the Normandy. “Commander I suppose you know I am obligated to tell you that you are a fugitive from Alliance justice on a stolen warship and that if you do not surrender we will be forced to fire upon you and destroy your ship.”

“I guess that means you’re not going to just wet yourselves and surrender like the last Alliance ship we took?”

“I’m afraid not Commander,” some perverse part of Kaidan that remembered the woman’s tart sense of humor forced him to reply in kind. “But if you want to run away screaming I promise that even though our FLT drives are better we’ll try really hard not to catch you.”

A husky chuckle practically poured over the comm. And Kaidan felt a shiver run down his spine at the sound.

 

A vacuum away Joker made a face and clicked off the connection. “Quit flirting.” He gripped.

“Oh yes, because your ‘booty and wenches’ comment was the epitome of professional.” Shepard turned to the glowing shape that was the manifestation of the Normandy’s AI. “Is Tali ready yet?”

“Tali’Zorah says she is waiting on your command, Shepard.”

“Let’s hamstring them.” She grinned and Joker pushed a flashing button on his console. There was a momentary pause and the lights of the Salamis outside the viewports went dark.

“That was disappointing.” Joker said. “I was hoping for a flash or something.”

“It worked, that’s what counts.”

Any decent ship was equipped with at least basic shielding from electro-magnetic pulsewaves that might knock out critical systems and leave the crew adrift with no air supply, and military warship shielding was far from typical but Tali and Legion had managed to create some kind of virus that EDI could implant into a non-AI equipped ships computer. The virus would then generate and unleash an EMP from within itself, making any shielding redundant. The system failure wouldn't last long enough for the crew to run out of air, but Shepard’s team would be in control long before the power was restored.

“Boarding party ready?” she asked the group standing behind her at the airlock.

“Ready.” Jack, Grunt and Zaeed said in unison.

“Grunt is that a grenade launcher?” Shepard raised an eyebrow.

“Yes Battlemaster.”

“No grenades.”

“But Shepard-”

“No grenades. It’s a ship Grunt, and no one has a redundant nervous system but you.”

She held out her hand for the launcher. Looking every inch the sulky teenager Grunt unstrapped the heavy weapon and handed it off. Shepard left it on the vacant navigator’s seat and turned back to the helm.

“EDI, knock for us would you?”

As Joker pulled the Normandy up alongside the now unmoving Salamis EDI popped the Alliance ship’s airlocks. Jack led the boarding party quickly forward into the darkness.

 

The Alliance vessel was a maelstrom of noise and panic. All the lights had gone out when the EMP blew the power. The crew knew that if the drive core was powered down the air recirculators would stop running, giving them a matter of hours before they all suffocated. Many headed for the life pods; only to find that those too had been knocked out by the EM bomb. Alenko lit himself up with a biotic corona to provide a wavering blueish light and hoped that the other two low level L3’s on board were calm enough to do the same.

Before he had a moment to consider the best way to calm the crew and fix the power down, there was a burst of light into the CIC, so surprising after the pitch blackness that most of the crew were instantly blinded. A biotic shockwave poured out of what Kaidan realized was the open airlock, knocking personnel aside like bowling pins.

A manic laugh and a terrifying battle roar split the air and suddenly the lights flicked on.

“On the ground! Now! Everybody, hands in the air and get on the floor!”

There was a moment of silence as the Alliance crewmen attempted to process what was happening. The tattooed girl growled in frustration and exploded in a biotic pulse more powerful than any Kaidan had felt before. The crew was instantly frozen in stasis.

“Zaeed! Get these idiot’s weapons.”

The grizzled mercenary looking man strode quickly from person to person while – Christ - a Krogan kept watch over the biotic girl. The merc laughed and lit a match on the lockdown button for the CIC, shutting them off from the Salamis’ lower decks.

“They’re all unarmed.” He growled around a thick cigar.

The girl nodded and dropped the stasis field bringing up her gun as the Alliance soldiers fell bonelessly to the deck. “All clear boss lady!”

A heavy, heeled boot hit the ground near his head. Kaidan’s eyes followed an armored leg up and he gaped at the sight.

Commander Shepard.

She was just as he remembered. Stunning, but not pretty; striking and fierce like a valkyrie. Wearing what amounted to a rough approximation of her old N7 armour, restyled to give her an aura of sex and danger. The toned expanse of her midriff - exposed over a wide, hip slung belt strung with heat-sinks like a bullet belt on an old western vid hero – made his mouth go dry. Her eyes were dark with kohl, her ears sparkled with silver and there was an honest to god sword strapped to one of her thighs.

Despite the slightly fanciful nature of the outfit there was no doubt that the line of prototype shield generators and kinetic barriers between her shoulder blades would keep her as well protected as the fearsome array of guns she carried.

Alenko was man enough to admit that she looked pretty badass and mindblowingly hot.

Disgusted with himself for ogling the enemy he jerked his mind away from the endless lines of Shepard’s legs to focus on what she was actually doing.

Behind and to her right stood a fearsome looking Turian in blue and black armour with a gold symbol he couldn’t get a clear glimpse of emblazoned on the arm. Covering Shepard’s left was a hanar. One that was managing quite easily - despite the handicap of being … well, a Hanar - to look both armed and dangerous.

Without so much as a glance at the cowering crew, the commander stepped across the deck to the main terminal of the CIC.

“I have control Shepard.” A smooth female voice came clearly over the ship’s comm. system.

“Sitrep on boarding party?”

“The lower decks have been secured. Jack and Zaeed are sealing the last of the crew in the life pods.”

“Have Zaeed stay down there and keep an eye on the pods. Everyone else back up here.”

Out of the corner of his eye Kaidan could see Crewman Green moving his arm very slowly towards his omni –tool. Green was an excellent tech and was probably planning to toss off a few EMP grenades to drop the pirate’s shields and give the crew a chance to fight back. Kaidan gave him the slightest of nods, calling forth his biotics to charge his hands with a wash of dark energy. If he could snap the Turian into stasis, he might be able to overpower the distracted Shepard before she could bring a gun to bear.

His planning was interrupted by the sound of unsnapping pistol hydraulics.

“This one is wondering if it thinks we are new at this?”

Blasto tossed the pistol that had been pressed into Green’s forehead into the air with one tentacle and caught the barrel with another, cracking Green hard across the face with the butt of the gun in one smooth motion.

“This one would ask if any others are feeling blessed by the Enkindlers today?”

Shepard didn’t look up from whatever she was typing into the command console, but the Turian moved to stand between her and any of the still-prone crew members.

“Shepard,” the disembodied female voice interrupted. “I am unable to get through the firewalls protecting the data without the authorization code. If I force my way through we will lose the data.”

“Then I suppose we are going to need that code.” Shepard turned to focus her attention on the crew.

“Ladies and gentlemen if you would be so kind as to give me a moment of your time, I know you’re all very busy. I assume you know that I am the dread pirate captain Commander Shepard and I am here to steal everything that isn’t nailed down. But,” She swept a dramatic arm toward the terminal. “The reason we chose this ship and came all the way across the galaxy to find you is right here locked in this computer.”  
Shepard began to pace back and forth across the deck, hands clasped behind her back.

“Now the plan is to take this ship, get what we need, drop you all in the escape pods and be on our merry way. But within that plan there is a certain amount of room for interpretation. For example: if the person who has these codes comes forward and gives them to me then we could maybe see our way clear to jettisoning those escape pods over a tropical planet with plenty of Asari. However, if I have to get my tech experts in here and have them waste my time cracking that code themselves then we might be so behind schedule that we’ll have to let you off out here in the middle of nowhere at the edge of the Terminus Systems and see how long it takes the great Alliance to come and pick you up. Of course,” She said, leveling a pistol at Kimmel’s temple with a thoughtful expression. “It was the Alliance that taught me no plan ever survives contact with an enemy.”

Kimmel was shaking; sweat beading at his hairline, his lips moving soundlessly in what might have been prayer. Shepard grinned like a demon and fired a single round so close to his ear that Kaiden could smell the singed hair.

Kimmel screamed in panic. “Omega,” Kaidan said loudly. “Five, Three, Zero-Niner, Echo, Four.”

He would be dammed if he let a madwoman kill all his crew members in front of him just to keep her hands off some intel the brass hadn’t seen fit to brief him on.

The turian at her right snorted, but the Commander turned to Kaidan with a sweet smile. “Hello there ranking officer.” The krogan came out of nowhere, which didn’t seem fair really, and hauled him to his feet before Shepard. He tried to keep his face schooled to calmness as he stared into her fierce grey eyes.

Slowly her expression turned from theatrical amusement to softer consideration and for a moment Kaidan caught a glimpse of what she might be like under the pirate. “I know you.” And just as swiftly the look was gone and she was business again. “Name, rank and serial number.”

“Kaidan Alenko, Commander of the Salamis, Sentinel class, Biotic series L2, O-15467298.”

“Ah, Alenko. Staff Lieutenant on the original Normandy. You were with me on Eden Prime.” Kaidan knew the crew were gaping at him. He wasn’t surprised. Being part of Shepard’s original crew had left a black mark on his career. They had promoted him for his loyalty but kept him on crap assignments as punishment for the association.

“I knew it,” She continued. “That was an ass worth remembering.”

Kaidan was too shocked to suppress a squawk of indignation when she reached around to grope his rear through his Class A’s. The Pirates laughed and he felt himself flush with rage.

“Where’s your XO, Commander Tightpants?”

There was the sound of choked laughter from the assembled crew. Kaidan glared at her balefully, which produced a whole quirked eyebrow for a moment before he began to scan the crowd for wherever Navigator Fidani had gotten to. A hand shot into the air and waved at them manically from the prone figure at their feet.

“Uh, Captain – er Commander? Fidani went down to the commissary for a coffee right before we, before you…uh”

“Before we took you all hostage?” The Turian offered with an unsettling smile.

“Uh yeah.”

“People! This is a serious situation!” Kaidan was positively sure that the colours the Blasto was flashing meant he was laughing his ass off, but Shepard seemed determined. “A little gravity would not go amiss. Now you – “

“Higgs ma’am.”

“Higgs. Is this,” She indicated the Alliance people on the deck. “Most of the command staff?”

“It is.” Kaidan answered for the pilot.

“Shush Tightpants, you are seized booty-” This produced outright laughter from the assembled sentients, and Kaidan smacked his face into his hand. “This doesn’t apply to you.”

Shepard slid a hand under Higg’s shoulder and pulled him to his feet. “Alright everyone up. It’s time for the job offer and hostage taking portion of the pirate raid. We are commandeering this ship, and while we have just enough crew to handle both, I don’t like to be short staffed. So Normandy Pirates Incorporated is interested in hiring. I can’t promise safety, security or a return to earth any time soon, but I can promise excitement, adventure, a chance to save the galaxy, and alien babes. Anyone in here who dreamed of making a difference? Anyone in here who is sick of not getting things done?”

Alenko let out a contemptuous huff of laughter. That was her big sales pitch? These were loyal Alliance soldiers and they….. His brain stuttered to a halt as Private Walker stepped forward nervously brushing her hair behind her ears.

“Commander Shepard, ma’am? My name is Sydney Walker and my family is from Horizon. I’d be honored to join you ma’am.”

Horizon. Wasn’t that one of the colonies that had been hit by slavers a couple months back? The Alliance had made a lot of noise about Batarians, and sent out a few units that had simply dropped off the map, before taking credit for the resolution of the situation when someone on Horizon had fought them off. Apparently that had been Shepard. Huh.

Half a dozen crewmen had stepped forward to join Shepard’s team. Engineers mostly; figured they’d be more committed to the ship itself than the Alliance as a whole.

“Goddamned traitors!” Lawrence spat at them as they passed. The glob of phlegm landed on Ensign Rose’s cheek, glistening wetly. Her whole face crumpled with shame and for a moment Kaidan thought she might cry. He stepped forward, intending to teach his man some basic goddamned manners, but a charcoal and red blur beat him to it.

Shepard headbutted like an angry krogan; knocking her forehead into Lawrence’s with enough force to make every spectator wince. The man dropped like a stone. Commander Shepard stared down at him with fury in her eyes. “Leave my crew alone.”

The Krogan laughed uproariously, smacking his hands together while the newly minted pirates looked at Shepard with naked admiration on their faces. It made Kaidan feel vaguely nauseous.

At a nod from the commander, her pirate crew snapped into action. The remaining alliance personnel were herded towards the escape pods by the Blasto, while the tattooed girl headed back onto the Normandy. The Turian lead the defectors away as Shepard and the disembodied voice discussed the Salamis’ transponder. Before he could contemplate escape or attack a shotgun barrel poked him sharply in the ribs and he was muscled off his own ship towards one he’d been trying to forget for almost three years.

It was quickly evident that this was not the original Normandy. Size tended to be difficult to judge in the open black but this ship was clearly much bigger. Brighter lights, sleeker design. The whole thing must have cost a fortune and he wondered for a moment exactly how lucrative piracy was. The crewmembers he could see were not in typical starship class A’s or any particular sort of uniform, but they moved with military precision and focus; obviously Shepard was still a Commander first and a pirate captain second. Kaidan was trying to memorize as much as he could of the ship just in case he ever made it back to the alliance when the sound of his own name distracted him.

“Welcome aboard Commander Alenko.”

The cheerful voice came from a redhead in – good lord – a corset that was positively straining to keep her covered. “I’m Yeoman Chambers, let me know if you need anything.”

The bewildering strangeness of the statement while he was being held at gunpoint stunned Kaidan enough that he wandered into the elevator of his own accord.

“Shepard says that she’s our wench.” The Krogan informed him. “Too squishy for me though.”

“Ah.” Was the only response Kaidan could come up with.

The elevator hissed open and Kaidan was shoved through an empty hallway into what the writing on the wall told him was the captain’s cabin.  
The door shut before he could turn around and he found himself alone in the room.

Kaidan had to admit he was expecting more mess, rum bottles and Aztec gold, but - he reminded himself – Shepard had been a soldier. The moment he realized he was alone, Kaidan began to search the room for anything he might use as a weapon. Not that he had anywhere to go in space but being armed would make him feel like less of a pathetic victim and on the off chance he had the opportunity to take Shepard hostage and bargain his way free he didn’t want to be standing around like a damsel in distress.

The desk in the public section of the room was piled high with datapads but not much else. A hamster peered at him inquisitively from a shelf. He hadn’t expected pirates to keep small fuzzy creatures, but he couldn’t exactly weaponize Mr. Fluffy so he moved to the rest of the suite.

There was nothing but wine glasses on the coffee table and the lockers were full of clothing, and armour that most certainly would not fit him. Then his eyes lit on the bed and he considered that Shepard was very likely the kind of woman that slept with a gun under her pillow.

Turned out to be a Carnifex hand cannon. Concussive rounds only but still a damned powerful piece of machinery.

The snap-hiss of the door had him spinning, gun out and cocked, biotic light spilling out over his free hand. The commander paused for a moment, appraising, before wandering into the room and unsnapping her weapons from their hardpoints almost lazily.

“I assume the first thing you’re going to do is tell me to drop my weapons?”

Kaidan said nothing, simply watched her movements, smooth and practiced. She straightened and sauntered towards him almost languidly.

“Now I know that pistol only has concussive rounds. And I just bet you were clever enough to notice my shield generators, so unless your next order is to make me strip we find ourselves at something of an impasse.”

Moving the gun to his opposite hand while keeping it trained on her, Kaidan called up his omni-tool and sent out an overload command. There was a bright flash as her shields shorted out. Shepard hissed and craned her neck to check the damage. “Oh Tali’s going to kill you. She made these ones herself.”

“I’d apologize but I don’t care. Now I need intel and a way off this ship and you’re going to give it to me.”

“Or?”

“Or I will shoot you, put you in stasis and take one of your guns. Then we can try the threatening thing from the top.” It was an utterly, utterly terrible plan and he thought he sounded pretty pathetic trying to threaten her but bravado seemed to be his only option.

Shepard cocked her head at him. “I’m not sure you’d actually shoot me. I saw you all fired up to defend Ensign Rose’s womanly honor. But I’ve heard worse plans. What is it you’re like to know?”

Kaidan was so surprised she offered to answer his questions that it took him a few seconds to think of one. “Where are we going?”

“Omega. We’re meeting up with Kal’Reegar, Jacob and the second half of the team.”

“What for?”

“Change the transponder on the Salamis, switch over your crew – it’s nice they want to be a part of this but it’ll take some time before they can be trusted. Drop you in a transport back to Arcturus.”

The ease with which she gave up their destination and the names of her team made Kaidan wary. "Why would you just send me back?"

“Would you believe me if I said I was going to brainwash you into a ninja designed to take out the heads of the Alliance?”

“Pirates hate ninjas,” Kaidan said without missing a beat. “Try again.”

“How about I’m going to turn myself in for a shot at a reduced sentence.” Shepard smiled mockingly.

“Then you wouldn’t have kidnapped me.”

She stepped forward into his personal space. “I couldn't stand not to have you once I saw you.”

Kaidan stepped sharply back. “That’s a common state of affairs, it’s never resulted in kidnapping before.”

Her smile dropped and she settled back on her heels, arms crossed. “I’m going to convince you to join me.” She finished, after searching his face for a moment.

“I will not betray the Alliance,” Kaidan snarled. “I’m not a traitor!”

Her leg came out of nowhere, knocking the carnifex from his hand and sending it sailing into the armour lockers. Kaidan wasted a precious second watching I go which allowed Shepard the chance to land a punch on his jaw that had his head snapping to one side. Rubbing his face he turned back to see her hands up in a combat stance. She swung again, but this time he caught her arm and sent back a punch of his own. The feeling of her face under his knuckles surprisingly satisfying.

Shepard reeled back clutching at her nose. “Ugh, you hit me.”

“You hit me. “ Kaidan reminded her, exasperatedly.

“You know,” She said offhandedly, still holding her face. “We could just have sex instead.”

He couldn't help boggling at her audacity for a moment and so Shepard took the opportunity to punch him in the face again. Then hit him square in the chest with a snap kick that knocked him flat on his back. Two steps forward and she was straddling his chest, pinning his arms to his sides with her thighs. Which was causing the part of his brain that wasn't reeling to head off in spectacularly unhelpful directions.

“There’s really nothing about the Alliance that bothers you?” She asked, bracing her elbows on his collarbones and folding her hands to form a rest for her chin. “Even after that debacle with the L2’s and Chairman Burns?”

Two years later the mention of that incident still made Kaidan’s blood boil. When the L2 reparations plea had been denied a group of desperate biotics had kidnapped the head of the committee in the hopes that something would be done. Instead the Alliance had sent in a platoon. The L2’s had panicked and shot Burns before being cut down as they tried to surrender. The whole thing had been a bloodbath, and had lead to a proverbial witch hunt for biotics. Now almost no one could find employment or medical services outside the Alliance military complex, which put them firmly in control of every eezo exposed human in the galaxy. Kaidan was used to being a biotic in the military, it wasn't easy but he’d chosen it with his eyes open, but he couldn't help being suspicious of how poorly the whole thing had been handled and how big the political damage had gotten.

Furious with Shepard for picking up on his dark doubting, he called forth a dark energy field and threw her hard across the room.

“Biotics without the use of mnemonics; Impressive control.” She dragged herself up off the floor and tossed a slam at him. The move was a weak one, she obviously wasn't very high spiking, and he countered it easily but realized too late that it was just a distraction to allow her to get back under his guard.

Kaidan blocked another blow and received a knee to the stomach when the hit didn’t throw her off balance, leaving him open. He couldn't understand it, she was fast but he was stronger and with his biotics to assist he should have sent her sprawling but she was like hitting an extra resilient wall. Though he could see the pain on her face every time she took a blow, it didn't seem to be impacting her the way it should have.

“What the hell are you?” He roared in frustration. Shepard caught one of his fists under her arm and blocked the other with her free hand, so close to his face he could feel her breath.

“About six percent cyborg, actually. Heavy bone weave is a wonderful thing.”

“Christ,” He muttered, just before another one of those krogan head butts sent him to the ground. No wonder it was like punching a Fenris Mech.

She leaned over him, grinning again. “So, want to hear the story of ‘Why I Became a Pirate: By Jane Shepard’?”

Well that was interesting. “Your first name is Jane?”

From the look on her face that hadn't been something Jane Shepard had meant to give away. He took advantage of her distraction to sweep her legs out from under her and freeze her into stasis mid-fall. The look of dismayed surprise on her face made him chuckle hoarsely, as he yanked himself off the floor, trying to get to her weapons before the stasis wore off. He hadn't made it five feet before she hit him from behind, her legs wrapping around his waist and her arms going across his neck in what was possibly the worst piggy back ride he had ever given. Twisting he shook himself trying to dislodge her, slamming her into the acrylic panes of the fishtank. Shepard grunted with pain and kicked one of her heels close enough to his groin that Kaidan doubled over, feeling like he might retch.

A sharp armoured elbow drove into the fleshy part of his shoulder and he flailed again, his left foot missing solid ground and hitting the stairs with enough force knock him and consequently Shepard, arse over teakettle down onto the floor near her bed. Kaidan noted with a certain satifaction that he had landed almost completely on top of the commander, sprawled on his back and pinning her as they both gasped in air.

“That kick was cheating.” He told her petulantly.

“Pirate.” She reminded him with a groan. “We done?”

Kaidan lifted his head off the floor and surveyed the damage done to the room, before dropping it back onto the deck with a thump. “I am.”

“Good.” There was a momentary wriggling behind him and Shepard slid neatly into his lap and pressed her lips to his.

Kaidan yanked his head back and promptly smacked it against the floor again. Jane cooed sympathetically and pulled him up into a sitting position to kiss him again. Her lips were warm and soft and he could smell her all around him; the sight biotic hint of ozone, the tang of hot metal from the handling of thermal clips and a spicy-sweet smell that might have been her hair or her skin. It was dangerous and intoxicating and incredibly sexy.

He responded on instinct. Drowning in the taste of her, running his fingers over her bare back and pressing her closer till her breastplate dug into his chest. Her tongue ran along the seam of his lips and Kaidan opened his mouth, suddenly desperate for the taste of her.

Jane moaned, low in her throat, and the sound made him ache. Her fingers ran through his hair, tugging slightly and hit a spot where a massive bruise was beginning to form. The sharp pain jerked him out of his passionate haze and he tore himself away from her.

“What, what are you doing?”

Jane smiled at him, her pupils were dilated, lips flushed and breathing ragged. Kaidan wanted to crush her mouth to his again. “I meant it when I said I wanted you.”

“You just beat the crap out of me.”

“To be fair,” She admonished. “You were holding a gun on me. And it’s not like you didn’t nail me a couple of times, though not exactly the way I wanted.” She pressed forward again, but Kaidan put a hand on her chest and scooted backwards until his shoulders were braced against the bed and there was at least a foot of space between them.

Shepard held her hands up, placating. “Alenko, I brought you here because you are the Alliance’s poster boy for the healthy, safe, military controlled L2. And because you impressed me on Eden Prime, which gave you some idea of what we’re up against. I think you joined the Alliance to make a difference and I know I can give you that. But you are here,” She tapped the deck plating between them. “Because I want to ride you until your voice gives out from screaming.”

Kaidan let himself slump against the bed with a groan of desire. “I’d like to say you can’t turn me to your cause with sex-”

“Oh I intend to convince both your heads that I’m the way to go.” She said, laughing. “If you don’t agree with me by the time we hit Omega then we will send you back to the Alliance with the message I’d have given any other commander of the Salamis.”

Shepard leaned forward till she was on her hands and knees, looking up at him through thick dark lashes. “I’ll make you a deal.”

He had to swallow a few times before he could manage to answer. “Does it start with ‘I’ll let you go’?”

“I’ll try to make you see my side and you can try to make me see the error of my wicked ways, and we can argue till we’re both blue in the face…. Provided all of our arguments are post-coital.”

Kaidan knew that there were probably at least one or two reasons that it was a very bad idea to sleep with the infamous Commander Shepard, but for the life of him he couldn't think of a single one. He reached out and grabbed the top edge of her armour’s chest-piece, pulling her off balance and towards him. Before she could kiss him again, he shifted to wrap an arm under her knees and raised them both enough to toss her onto the bed.

Shepard was flat out giggling, a surprisingly delightful, girlish sound that seemed so incongruous with her character it would have given him pause; if he wasn't half blind with lust.

“No more kicking me,” He warned, lowering himself over her and dragging his teeth down the long tendon of her neck.

Shepard couldn't help but hiss at the blunt scraping, reaching up to tug his shirt as Kaidan pressed himself down against her. Every part of their bodies were touching and she could feel his arousal pressing hard into the duraweave between her armour plates, making her throb, sweetly aching with how much she wanted him inside her.

The Alliance Commander worked with the deft touch of a tech, unsnapping her chestpiece and leaving her in the midrift baring red underlayer. Though distracted by his mouth at her neck and his cock pressing into her, Shepard couldn't help but thrill at the strength in his hands as they ran over her body. The touch alone was enough to make her shudder after the sensory deprivation of her armour. He raised his head from her skin to smirk at her.

“No bra commander?”

A vicious pinch of her nipples through the soft cloth made her cry out, arching against him.

“It’s laundry day.”

Alenko slid the zipper down between her breasts, leaving her bared from the waist up. “Lucky me.”

He ran his lips lightly over her skin breathing her in. Teasingly, he traced across her nipple with the tip of his tongue and then blew a stream of air gently across. Shepard moaned as the bud tightened even further before it was bathed in the heat of his mouth. His tongue laved at her while his teeth held her neatly in place, all the while rocking firmly against her in exactly the right spot. Kaidan palmed her other breast gently, then moved to do it again on the opposite side.

Shepard had expected intense, possibly even skirting the edge of brutal sex after their knock down drag out fight across her quarters. She’d been anticipating Alenko attempting to force dominance on her through sex if he couldn’t win it in battle. What she hadn't been prepared for was the single minded intensity with which he plied her body. There was no mad rush to pleasure, but a slow burning ferocity in his movements that was turning her into an inferno of pleasure.

She reached down with shaking hands and tugged his head up till he was looking at her, his hips never stopping their slow grinding rhythm.

“Kaidan.” She said breathlessly.

It had been a very long time since Shepard had had any man between her thighs. Longer still since there had been someone she was interested in for more than the very basics of a hard dirty fuck. Commander Kaidan Alenko, however, was clearly a man who appreciated the slow burn, and she found her mouth watering at the thought of all she could do with the acres of olive skin under those Class A’s.

“What do you want Jane?”

“I want everything.”

She rolled them, with just enough room to avoid falling off the bed and landing in a heap. Tugging insistently at his shirt, Shepard turned to the snaps on her greaves. Tossing the armour into a corner of the room she toed off her boots and bent down to mimic his earlier movements on her neck, before biting and sucking her way across his shoulders while his hands on her hips coaxed her to the same distracting pace he’d started.  
With a final wicked grind that made her want to melt and moan, Shepard pulled herself off of Kaidan’s lap and began to kiss and lick her way slowly down his chest; making careful note of all the places that made him gasp and hiss, mapping him with her mouth. She placed one hand right over the snaps on his pants pressing down against his stuttering hips just to hear him groan.

She unfastened them quickly, running her fingers the length of Kaidan’s erection, as she pulled the fabric away so she could grasp him firmly. Easing him free Shepard pushed his pants off, impatient to have him naked. She looked him over as her fingers teased and stroked. The sight alone was enough to make her wild with desire. Kaidan was flushed with desire, his eyes glittering feverishly, hand flexing helplessly in the sheets.

“Please.” He whispered; voice hoarse and almost inaudible.

Holding his gaze, she dipped her head down to take the tip of his cock in her mouth, swirling her tongue around the head. Kaidan was thick, and long enough she couldn’t get him all the way in without triggering her gag reflex, but she wrapped her hand around the base and did her level best to swallow him whole.

“Jane!” He moaned, gripping his own thigh in an attempt to stop himself from grabbing her head. “God, I-”

He grunted as she pulled her head back with an absolutely obscene pop that made his cock twitch against her lower lip.

“Next time.” She promised.

She stood to shuck her duraweave leggings, and after a moment his hands we on her legs pulling the fabric down. Peeling her panties off she moved to straddle him again. Kaidan shifted backwards so he could lean against the wall, leaving them practically chest to chest, looking into each other’s eyes. She slid down, sheathing him in her body in one smooth motion that made them both cry out.

She arched and held her breath for a moment, shuddering at the excruciating delicious fullness. Unwilling to move and loose a trace of the sensation she pressed her forehead against Kaidan’s and just breathed for a moment.

He kissed her, hot wet and messy; lifting her hips off him and ignoring her whine of disappointment, coaxing her to move. Shepard clawed at his shoulders, pushing to get enough leverage to thrust down onto him, slow but hard enough that she was moaning and swearing with every movement. Kaidan’s fingers digging into her hips hard enough to leave bruises. The pain buzzed along her nerves, just enough to push her over the edge and she ground down hard as orgasm whited out her vision, keening high and broken.

When her vision cleared and she could force her eyes to open, Kaidan was staring at her hungrily, still moving inside her, prolonging her pleasure and easing her through the aftershocks, but when she grinned lazily down at him he moved fast enough to make her head spin.

Jane’s back hit the sheets hard enough to force a cry from her as Kaidan rocked back inside her with a growl that made her throb.

“Again.” He demanded. “I want to see you come again.”

He was too far gone to be gentle and it thrilled her, distantly, to watch him lose control; but she couldn’t think because his fingers were rolling her clit and she was still so sensitive. Kaidan let out a strangled groan and his hips lost rhythm, bucking into her wildly, the deeper thrusts sending right to the edge again, gasping his name.

*

The new Normandy was designed for crew comfort as well as speed and stealth. To that end just about every floor is soundproofed.

The elevator shaft, however, is not.

*

“Ooh Kaidan stop, oh god I can’t come anymore.”

“Yes you can. Besides I haven’t gotten any information out of you yet.”

“I won’t tell you anything –oh yes right there!”

Garrus’s mandibles twitched in embarrassment and he shifted from foot to foot wishing the damn lift would move faster. He supposed it was a good thing Shepard never planned anything ahead.

*

“Jane!”

“Would you quit calling me Jane?”

“Oh yes Long John Silver, yes.”

“You are going to pay for that mister.”

Jack was laughing so hard she could barely stand up long enough to get off at the engineering deck. Shepard was never, ever living that one down.

*

“So I step back from the beacon in Saren’s lab, those things will seriously mess with your mind, and in comes Blasto, guns out, shouting about how ‘this one demands some enkindling answers!’ and here I am barely conscious and – Kaidan are you listening at all?”

“It would be a lot easier to pay attention if you weren’t naked and riding me! Ungh please Jane MOVE!”

“It’s just sex, sex, sex with you isn’t it?”

Joker groaned and smacked his head against the metal wall. He wasn’t carrying a torch for the commander or anything, but she was a damned fine looking woman and now every time she used that well articulated storytelling voice she was going to be picturing her flushed and naked.

*

“Problem commander?”

“There won’t be once I get out of these. Where the hell did you learn to tie knots like this?”

“I used to be a boyscout.”

“Figures. Knew you were a goodie goodie the second I saw you. All vanill - Ah! Kaidan!”

“That’s right Shepard, scream for me.”

Kelly hummed with pleasure as she listened barely able to imagine how Commander Alenko might be wringing out those noises from the restrained Shepard. Her fingers hovered over the elevator controls, tempted to go up and ask if they wanted company. Another shriek distracted her and the doors opened on the CIC. Next time, she decided.

*

“Oh my god you are so good at that.”

“Me? Unngh you’re the one sucking like – yes – like you’re on an all protein diet.”

“Ew, Alenko.”

“….Yeah sorry.”

“I didn’t say stop – you need to make that one up to me!”

Legion built perhaps the fastest consensus it had managed in their time as part of this platform. The mating habits of organics were fully explained in its data cores but there was no question; Humans were very strange.

*

“God Shepard, you’re so wet.”

“Jane.”

“Oh fuck – wait, what?”

“Call me Jane and do not stop fucking me.”

“Aye, aye Captain.”

Tali giggled, blushing slightly beneath her helmet. Flicking her omni-tool open she dialed up Kal’Reegar’s extranet number. Inspiration like this should not be allowed to go to waste.

*

“Slow, oh please go slow.”

“I thought you didn’t like it vanilla.”

“No more games Kaidan, please. Just... slow?”

“Yes Jane, yes.”

*

Kaidan stepped off the shuttle into the slightly noxious recycled air.

The stench of so many sentients living and working on a station like this created an unbelievable reek and he tried to breathe through his mouth until he became accustomed to it. Four months had passed since the boarding of the Salamis. Two of which he had spend in extended debriefing as Alliance intelligence agents attempted to extract every scrap of information about Commander Shepard from his brain, and trying to determine what he might have revealed under torture. No matter how insistent he was that there had been no torture, the medics had taken one look at the scratches and welts all over his body, noted his dehydration and muscle strains and that was the end of it. The last eight weeks had been spent parlaying his non-existent post traumatic stress into an honorable discharge with full pension and lying to his family while he looked for passage out to the terminus systems. He was going super black ops Kadian told them. He wasn't sure how long he would be out of contact, but they shouldn't worry or listen to rumor. He loved them very much and he’d be back when the mission was finished.

The pounding base hit him like a physical blow as he entered the red tinged nightclub. The trip by freighter from Arcturus to Kajhe, to Illium to Omega had been uneventful, but travel was rarely relaxing. Hoisting his duffle higher on his shoulder he moved towards the balcony at the back of the room. The Batarian guard looked him over with a sneer but jerked his head in the direction of the stair. Kaidan took this as tactic permission and headed towards the tall Asari with the cruel smile.

“Aria T’Loak?”

“What can I do for you Commander Alenko?”

He tried not to let his surprise show, but she responded to his confusion without prompting. “We make a habit to check the passenger manifests of ships with Omega on their schedule. We wouldn't want unsavory elements.”

“I’m looking for a way to contact Commander Shepard of the Normandy. She mentioned you.”

T’Loak’s eyes flicked to something over his shoulder for a split second. But before he could call forth his biotic or draw the pistol on his hip a husky chuckle poured over him.

“Kaidan didn't I tell you to call me Jane?”


End file.
